One essential skill in verbal communication is listening. Yet consider this question: from elementary school through high school, did you ever have a formal, structured class that taught you how to listen?
I have been asking people this question for over a decade, and the answer is always the same: No.
We go to school to learn. We sit in classrooms where listening is required for every subject, every lesson, every assignment. We expect students to listen — yet no one ever teaches them how to listen. So it begs the question: How are students listening?
Authentic listening is essential to our human relationships — to working together, living together in communities, cities, and nations, and solving problems both big and small. It is the foundation of understanding, cooperation, and connection. And still, it is the one skill we assume people will naturally learn on their own.
I want to share an experience that revealed how quickly assumptions and bias can replace listening.
Years ago, I served on the board of a community bank. I was the only woman and the only Asian member. During meetings, I noticed a pattern: I would offer an idea, and a few minutes later another board member would repeat the same point. The chairman would acknowledge their comment, even though I had expressed it first.
There was an unconscious bias blocking his ability to hear my contribution. To be sure I wasn’t imagining it, I checked with another board member. He had noticed it too.
At that point, I had two choices. I could address it in the meeting by saying, “I’m glad to hear that so‑and‑so agrees with my earlier point,” or I could meet privately with the chairman. I chose the latter. In our conversation, he told me he had no idea he was doing this. I was grateful for the opportunity to bring it to his attention.
I will never forget this experience. It is a powerful example of how easily unconscious bias can distort our ability to truly listen.
True listening requires seeking understanding and truth. What gets in the way is listening with:
- Assumption
- Bias
- Judgment
- suspicion
- the desire to make the other person wrong
- or not listening at all — simply waiting for your turn to speak
Now more than ever, we need to listen with an open mind, be curious, seek truth and understanding, and have the humility to learn.
How many marriages have ended because of poor communication?
Life is filled with decisions — from everyday choices to education, marriage, health, finances, and career. The most critical ones require listening with an open mind. Solving any problem, big or small, depends on it.
Yet countless tragedies have occurred because of a breakdown in human communication. Again and again, investigations reveal the same pattern: someone tried to warn of a risk, but their voice was dismissed because they lacked the “right” title or stood too low in the organizational hierarchy. Their insight was clear, their concern was real, but status — not truth — determined whether they were heard.
Another powerful example of the cost of not listening comes from the Challenger space shuttle tragedy. Before the launch, an engineer warned that the O‑rings — a small but essential part of the shuttle — could fail in cold weather. He urged NASA leadership to delay the launch. But because he did not have the “right” title and stood lower in the organizational hierarchy, his warning was dismissed.
The O‑rings did fail. And the Challenger exploded.
This tragedy is a heartbreaking reminder that when people listen with bias, assumption, or hierarchy — instead of curiosity and openness — the consequences can be devastating. A single voice, even one without status, may hold the truth that prevents disaster.
Now more than ever, in a world where politics, ideology, and the digital noise of social media compete for our attention, we must cultivate authentic listening.
We especially need to listen when someone holds a political point of view that is diametrically opposite to our own. Instead of tuning out or attacking their position, we can ask questions to understand and offer perspectives they may not have considered. The goal is to listen to understand — not to change someone’s mind, demonize them, or make them wrong.
One last important point: when you hear the word no, don’t let it stop you from pursuing your goal or dream. Too many of us let that one word shut us down. Listen more deeply to yourself — to what is driving you. Ask yourself, Why am I doing this? Listen to the quiet, divine voice inside each of us that knows the right choices and the right path. We just need to be still enough to hear it.
There is listening to the outside world, and there is listening to your inner world — the most important one, because it is with you all the time.
We need to wash our minds and ears each day — to begin with an open mind as wide as the sky, and a fresh pair of quiet ears, like the stillness that lets us hear a breeze at dawn.
Be curious. Be eager to learn. Listen before you speak or judge. Build connection. Seek truth, justice, and understanding. True listening reveals itself in the calm that follows — the peace of knowing you honored both yourself and the other person.
When you can walk away from a conversation with clarity and peace, you will know you have practiced authentic listening — the kind that strengthens relationships and transforms communities.
About Author
Sara Ting is a visionary, TEDx Speaker, diversity inclusion trainer and author. She’s a graduate of Boston University College of Fine Art, has dedicated her life to advancing equality, humanity and inclusion by bringing the Sun Poem to America and the world since 1985 – Are you greater than the sun/that shines on everyone: Black, Brown, Yellow, Red and White/ the sun does not discriminate.
In 1993 the poem inspired the founding of World Unity Inc. a non-profit promoting equality by raising self-awareness through the Sun Poem and initiatives it has inspired. This dedication garnered the organization a Global Unity Award in 2025, and Sara received the Beacon of Global Unity Award. She has received numerous recognitions for her work by the city and state.
Read more Thought Leadership at You Can’t Lead What You Don’t Understand
